Saturday, June 27, 2009

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, 2009
Dir: Michael Bay
June 27, 2009
Showcase Cinema Revere MA

Oh Michael Bay. How I hate your douchey guts. I read recently somewhere where he said he took it personally that his movies got shat on so much. In so many words he said that it was really hard to make a really "good" action movie, and that he could make an "arty" film, no sweat. I have no doubts that shooting an action film, like Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, is hard work, but there are some other important things that go into it...ah.... like good writing and acting. What the fuck. How does this mongo work in Hollywood? Oh yeah, I just answered my own question.

You really have to know what your going in for, and I was. But considering all that, a man craves substance, not just empty explosions and terrible make-outs. Lame comedy (tons of dick/balls jokes: is there something you're not telling us, MB?) couldn't even save this disaster from an atrociously retarded plot which I'm not going to bother summarizing. Shia LaBeouf sucks man, and Megan Fox, the token eyecandy (very fine thought it may be), even insisted that you don't flex your acting chops in a movie like this. Oh shit, Michael Bay. Did you hear that? A glorified model just dumpstered your flick. John Turturro does his schtick well, I have to admit, but not even the Transformers, some of which were beyond anonymous, hammed it up well, except for the Twins, but their act got tired quickly.

The one interesting thing that you could say about the Transformers (the cartoon and here) is Optimus Prime. His whole Warrior-Philosopher persona is genuinely conceived, and his penchant for the poignant anecdote ("Fate rarely calls us at a time of our own choosing...") has it's own uplifting rewards. His being not in a lot of the movie (something happens, guess) kind mucks that up though.

So, I'd have to say that while the summer blockbuster spirit can be felt, the movie still blows ass. I'd write more about that, but I'm kinda depressed that I actually went to see it. Here's just a picture of Megan Fox, which I prefer:


Glacier said...

Did you think Tranz 2 was better or worse than Pearl Harbor?

Connor said...

Is this a test to see whether you have down syndrome or are an idiot savant? Or is that just the difference between Ben Affleck and Shia LeBeouf?