Terminator Salvation

Terminator Salvation, 2009
Dir: McG
May 23, 2009
Showcase Cinema, Revere MA

Hey Hollywood, WHAT DON'T YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND!? Huge explosions OH GOOD! do not save a movie, and certainly not this one. There were absolutely no redeeming qualities to take away from the film itself. Actually, Bryce Dallas Howard, despite being the daughter of Richie Cunningham, is kind of a babe, but that's just me. I think that origin stories are overrated anyways. Not really knowing and making it up in your head is part of the fun, but I suppose the cretins in this country demand certain things, explosions being one of them. I think they also believe it is a good idea to let guys named McG (seriously dude?) direct their action films, which is telling.

So this guy is sentenced to death in 2003, and agrees to donate his body to science. He wakes up in 2018, and starts to fight I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP! for two hours. Conflict: He is now half machine/half man but actually trying to help the humans, and Christian SMOLDERING INTENSITY Bale, who plays a dour John Connor, is having none of it. Bale is his typical gruff self, which is what it is. If they had transfered some of the rant intensity over on to the screen, then I might have thought he was kicking some fucking ass. But, alas, McG could not pull that out of him. Bale was too busy bitching out the DP and laughing at his name.

More of the same, and Hollywood cashes in. Lean times call for lean ideas, and McG is certainly willing to lend his one-named expertise. I'm going to go listen to "Bale Out" and be thankful that at least one phenomenal thing happened while they filmed this tardfest.