Angels & Demons

Angels & Demons, 2009
Dir: Ron Howard
May 18, 2009
AMC Theaters, Danvers MA

The powers that be just shat themselves. Seriously. Tom Hanks is a banana-head. That is too kind because he really blew in this movie. No, I have not read this book, but I did see The DaVinci Code, and this is the exact same shit. Running around, looking at symbols, not knowing what they mean for like a second and them BAM! Epiphany, Tom Hanks looking like he's 30 in one shot, Father Time in the next, crazy revelation topped by crazy twist built up upon shaky tension at best, blahblahblah. They made made the same movie except in Rome instead of Paris.

So, plot. The pope has died, and all the cardinals meet for the conclave in Rome. In Austria, scientists create anti-matter and it's stolen. The four leading cardinals most likely to be chosen are kidnapped, and a clue about the secret society Ilumminati is left behind. Enter Robert Langdon, played with supreme blandness by Tom Hanks. The stolen anti-matter is brought to the Vatican and a countdown begins of when the cardinals are going to be killed followed by the anti-matter blowing up. Of course, Langdon wouldn't be complete without a brainy babe in tow, a physicist who was working with the anti-matter (played by Ayelet Zurer, the Israeli Julia Roberts apparently.) From here, the movie descends into repetitive patterns of "Where is the next clue?" to "The symbols tell me it's there!" all the way to the big twist at the end, which I won't say, in case anyone actually reads this.

There are snippets of an uneven theme thrown in here and there, "faith vs. science," but it's handled pretty carelessly. Old women crying out "Man is not God!" in random street arguments didn't really get me thinking about it, only for the next scene to start. I'm not sure how accurate the information is, but there are some interesting things to learn about the Illuminati and the process by which the next Pope is elected thrown in with the awkward dialogue and unnecessary monologues. The action, for what it's worth, is all right, particularly one scene where the assassin take out like 7 or 8 guys while leaving one of the kidnapped cardinals chained over a fire of pews.

So, again, another summer blockbuster that "entertains." The direction was hammy, the acting flat (for the most part; an occasional bright spot) and the writing: bilge. So see this movie if you like seeing hot Israeli actresses not show their boobs and Tom Hanks in a speedo (for realz).